Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Power of prayer

I wanted to let you all know that this week I will be going up to MI for the birth of my first grand baby, Emma Elizabeth. She already 4 days late in her arival, so please pray that I get there in time to be wiht my oldest DD. Her boyfriend is out of state for his job and she needs me to be there. I will be gone for a couple of weeks. When I come back there will be pic's of Emma to add :)

Now I wanted to share to other things with you that are connected in a circle of life sort of way. First, I lost my wedding ring about 3 months ago through my own ill temper and stupidity. I immediatly regreted it, but it was no where to be found. It was lost in the nursery and no matter how hard I or DH searched, no dice. Then two nights ago DH and I were having some quiet time alone I told him I didn't want to go to MI without my wedding ring. He said he had tried to replace it but he couldn't find the same one (matching his) again. We prayed, I repented for my sin and shared with DH how sorry I was and I finely took the blame for what had happened. Well, not but a few minutes latter he went to use the restroom and on his way back stopped and knelt by our bed. He said he was checking for his work boots for the morning, but he pulled out my ring! Now the room was almost pitch black and this is not the room I lost it in. I can't tell you the emotion's that went through us. I am not sure who was happier, him or me. Now you can offer a few different ideas about how this happened, but for it to happen it that time span in that order is just to big a coincadent and I believe there are no coincadents. Just God at work. I had been defient, ill tempered and unrepentent towards my DH. I felt distenced from him, and wouldn't even wear my engagment ring. Then I walked around the house moaning about what was wrong with my DH and our marriage. But I am here to tell you that since the new year and my renewed submerssion in His word I have felt closer to DH. Then when I finely repented God worked a mircle! Praise the LORD!

Now I want to share how this miracle has a two fold effect on not only my life but that of my oldest DD. First I am going off to MI with a lighter heart and a more positive outlook on spending time with DD and her boyfriend and his family, we all don't realy get along. I have been praying for alnost 8 months straight on what to do in this situation, stay here or go up there. I have felt no guidence in this area before now. But now I know I wasn't able to hear over my own whining voice. My daughter has voiced several times her desire for me to be there. I guess I am just finding it hard to believe after all we have been through together. There was years of therapy , scores of medication, cussing, not coming home, jail , dropping out of school and so much more that these items are just the tip of the iceberg. My childhood wasn't so hot either, so my selfesteem is pretty low before you add these things to it. I had years of hearing what a bad mother I was, especialy when I put her on meds and wouldn't bail her out of jail. So anyway, guess I wasn't convinced she ment it, that she might rather have her friends there. But she never changed her mind no matter how many chances I gave her. I feel that God giving me my ring back imediatly after me saying, "I don't want to go with out my wedding ring", is His way of saying,"well here it is, now stop looking for a way out and go to your daughter. Show her by example how I can work in ones life". So I am sitting here feeling mad that I was ready to give up on my relationship with her at the age of 22. I can clearly see she has made many positive changes in just a short time. She chose a long hard path to walk in this life. As a monther it breaks my heart and I want to help her "fix" it. But the best thing I can do for her is show her that not only will I not leave her like everyone else (her birth mom and dad), but God won't either. He will be right here waiting for her as she makes her way, in her own time, towards him.

SO, I am setting out to start a new chapter as Grandma with my oldes DD and as a misionary for God into her life and those of the people around her and my new and first grand baby. He truly is an Awsome God, and I am gratful to see the answer to all my praying. It happened in His time, not mine, and you know what.... It was just at the right time!

Blessings, Beth Ann

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